Been a while since I've checked in. I haven't forgotten about you guys, just the press for time sometimes I've stopped into hotels, checked in to FABO and facebook and made phone calls to let my sisters know I'm safe.
Been quite the adventure so far. After Philly and meeting Ray I made my way down the coast and met up with another member over on FABO who invited me to stop in. Along the way, my heart was pudding, damn near running into my feet. Every time I thought of Sarah I got a physical ache. Know the old saying of people dying of a broken heart? I understand that saying.
I spent the day with FABO member OldmanRick in South Carolina, who sat there in tears as he told me that my words over there in the threads, just like those here, had brought him to such a connection with Sarah and I that he, just like folks here, cried when I posted her obituary thread. I shared those tears with him, some of the stories to shares, and just talked. So began a path to mending.
I worked my way down to Riverview, FL, where I spent some time with family. Get out the hip-waders, folks... lol. Seriously, though, it was good to spend that time. I hadn't been in Riverview in almost 17 years. Things were said, situations arose, that helped with more mending. My heart became a little more solid. I spent my last day in the Tampa area with a fellow FABO member, homecloned. He and I joined FABO in the same day back in April of '09 and had an instant connection. Nice to see that internet connection was real face-to-face. Noel and his wife Mary are good people. Again, more mending.
The tap came on the shoulder to head north, where I accepted the invitation to meet another FABO member, and one of our own, Waggin. Curtis is a good ole boy. Cruised around and saw some sights, including a friend of his sweet triple black '70 Cuda 440-6bbl, 4 speed car. The day with Curtis finished with Curtis taking me out in his dad's '66 Barracuda to a little bar right on the river to get fresh caught shrimp cooked up with the just the right amount of spices. Somewhere along the way my depression went away and I found my appetite. Those shrimp were like Lay's potato chips.
The night finished up with me in Byron, GA, staying at another FABO member's house. clhyler wouldn't let me rent a hotel room, even though I didn't get there until about 10:00 at night. Cal and his wife, Julie, threw the doors to their home wide open to a weary and heartsick traveler. I spent that Saturday at a car show with Cal showing off his sweet '72 Duster and meeting a couple of other forum members, including FBBO's RustyRatRod and his Kitty. We then left there and went to a fall festival in Byron, where we helped judge a chili cook-off. The town's original jail was open for charity, $5 to have someone arrested, $5 to bail them out. So I handed Julie $20 and told her to have fun.
The tap on the shoulder came again, where I moved to Greenfield, TN, where I met our own Mistress of Metal, and forums member, cudachick1968, Leanna. I got a tour of the shop, Billy's haul ass drag cars, Leanna's Barracuda, Slimer, and good conversation with good people.
Now, I'm sitting at my oldest sister's, Beth, kitchen table in Mosheim, TN, typing this out. I'm moving when and where the Spirit takes me. I'll probably be here another week before moving on home. There's folks there who need me and business that needs to be done, which will continue on with the mending.
Over the past few weeks I've have a cousin, Miss Fix-It, I call her, say to me, "How do we fix you?" There's no fix to a broken heart. There's only a mending. My father tries to give advise saying, "Time heals all wounds." Again, there's no healing, only mending. Time will scar the wound over, I've learned from experience after losing our daughter, Katie. At anytime that scar can be ripped off, everything flooding back, all at once. It can take a sight, a sound, a song, a smell, a feeling of deja vu, and with each tear, with each laugh, now, for the rest of my life, it lends to the mending.
My depression has subsided to an extent. There's a sadness now, but not so overwhelming as when I began. I've delighted in introducing Sarah to people who never met her, letting the tears flow, laughing at some of the things she did, telling them how strong of a woman she was. She still has so much to teach, so much wisdom to share, and it's my honor, my privilege to have spent the best years of my life with her, to love her and be loved by her.
At times I can still feel her arms around me, her head on my shoulders, and when I do, I breath deeply, feeling her presence beside me in the some of the saddest times, struggling to get through.
I know God is walking with me. I've been doing my best to live my witness, just as Sarah did, through her love and compassion for others, her strength she lent me, and determination not to let the tumor win. It didn't, you know. It may have killed her in the end, but she made the determination that she wasn't going to let it control her and she fought back against it. She beat it, after all. Now there's things I have to do for myself, hard things to do without her standing next to me, physically, as I look at the stars at night. God touched me with the most wonderful woman in the world who helped shaped into the man I am. Sarah's legacy lives on. In me, in others she touched. Now it's time for me to leave my mark, influenced by the love of the woman with whom I've spent the past thirteen years of my life.
It's been a good trip.
